Sample Chapters

Introduction

A story I never wanted to write

 

Can I be honest?
I never had the desire to write this book.

I know that might sound like a crazy way to open up, and probably every book publisher or marketing guru will want me to remove that sentence because it doesn’t sell you on what this book will provide within the first 7 seconds — but it’s the honest truth. I didn’t want to write this book. Not because I didn’t have a story to tell — I actually believe we all do — but because I felt disqualified.

Fear is a funny thing.
It blocks us from fully living out the story that God has called us to. It paralyzes us from making decisions, so we find ourselves stuck. It lies to us about who we are in our story and what we are capable of walking out with the Lord.

So you may ask, why are you writing a book you didn’t want to write?
 Because I can’t NOT write this book.

What I mean by that is — my story is really not my story. It’s God’s story.

This story I have been living for the last 42 years is a story that points to God’s faithfulness no matter my brokenness. It reminds me — and you — that when He promises we won’t do this life on our own, He means every word. It’s a story of Him opening up doors that I didn’t think possible, and at the same time slamming doors shut I never saw coming. Both were beautiful.

It’s a story of healing, grace, His constant pursuit of me, and His taking a whole lot of ashes and making beauty from it — only like He can do. It’s a story of redemption and a reminder that on this side of Heaven, I am still a work in progress. Which makes me desperately reach for His hand more and more each day, because I can’t do this life without my desperate dependence on Him, nor would I ever want to.  The heart behind Desperate Dependence is that reliance on God isn’t just for the difficult seasons—it’s for all of them. In both joy and heartbreak, certainty and the unknown, we are invited to live fully reliant on Him.  This book will catapult you from a posture of self-reliance into a desperate dependence on God—the place where true freedom is found.

So I want to invite you — not only into this story — but into the story that God is calling you to.

Because at the end of this life, my biggest fear of ALL would actually be not living out what He has for me.
It would be a tragedy to not go on the adventures He has called me to partner with Him in.
And I would venture to say — that might be your fear as well.

 

• Is it going to cost us? Yes.
• Will it require us being uncomfortable? Without a doubt.
• Does it mean we will have to surrender that false sense of control that we cling to as our safety net and desperately depend on Him? I guarantee it.

But I promise you — it will be worth it.

So together, let’s go live out those brave stories for Jesus!

 

Chapter One

My first yes

 

I remember sitting in my living room as a five-year-old girl, rocking in my rocking chair, listening to Psalty the singing songbook on my dad’s record player. A song came on called “Father I adore you,” and those lyrics got a hold of my little girl’s heart. Father, I adore you. I lay my life before you. How I love you, and in that moment, I felt the Lord’s sweet voice inviting me into a relationship with Him. There was something to those lyrics that got me excited about this adventure with Jesus, and that he wanted ME to be a part of it. I knew, deep down, He had a story for me to live out, and even at that age, I seemed to understand, in a small way, that it would cost me something. It meant giving all of my life to Him without knowing in advance where He would take the story. It was the first introduction to desperate dependence on Him. But I was all in!

 

A few months later, I found out I was going to my very first sleepover at my best friend’s house. This was such a big deal, and I was thrilled. That evening, as my friend and I were at her house watching one of our favorite movies and having the time of our lives, her mom let us know that she was going to run to the grocery store, but my friend’s brother was available if we needed anything.

A few moments after my friend’s mom left, her brother came into the living room and asked if he could show me something cool in his room. I couldn’t believe it—my friend’s older brother wanted to show me something cool! I was only five years old, and he was thirteen. I felt on top of the world!

 

As we walked into his room, he shut the door and asked if  I wanted to play a game. I said absolutely! I love games! He said the game is called “Monster.” You will take off all of your clothes, and I will touch your body, and your goal is not to say “Monster” when I touch you. My heart dropped like an elevator in a high-rise building. Something wasn’t right with this game. But he continued to encourage me, and I obliged. I removed my clothes in that dark, cold room, and for what felt like an eternity, he touched my body all over. He touched me in the areas that I referred to as my private parts, but in that moment, they didn’t feel private.

He then heard the front door open as his mom was bringing in groceries, and he told me to put my clothes on and turned the light on. He also told me that because “I chose” to take off my clothes that if  I told anyone that I would be the one in big trouble with my parents. He told me it was our secret. That night there was this unexplainable pain in my stomach, but even louder in my spirit. It was a pain I had never experienced, but would experience many other times throughout my story.

I called my parents and told them I was sick and went home. I felt so dirty and full of shame over the next several months that I kept that secret. I had failed. I had played that game that made me feel icky inside. I had let John touch my body. I felt shame that I couldn’t explain.

You know shame has a loud voice. It tells you that everyone will be disappointed in you. It tells you that you can’t be forgiven. It tells you that God wouldn’t want you (even though that couldn’t be farther from the truth). I felt like Adam and Eve must have felt that day when they hid from God. I felt naked, ashamed, and all I wanted to do was cover up my shame with a bunch of  “fig leaves”  and never talk about what had happened again.  Even though the truth was God wanted me to run to Him with EVERYTHING, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Adam and Eve didn’t want the Lord to see that they had failed, and I didn’t either. I wanted to be a “good girl” in God’s eyes. I wanted to be perfect for Him as He was to me.

 

However, I didn’t know at the time what was playing out behind the curtain. I didn’t realize that the war I was actually fighting was in the spiritual realm. The enemy will stop at nothing to rob us of the purpose and the plan that God has for you and me. The enemy’s job is to steal, kill, and destroy our lives, relationships, and, most importantly, disconnect us from our ultimate source, God. He’s terrified of what God can accomplish in and through us for His kingdom. So now, looking back, it doesn’t surprise me that the enemy tried to get a death grip on me at such a young age—just months after I invited God into my life—using one of his tried-and-true tactics: shame. The enemy doesn’t like it when we invite God into our hearts, so he will do anything to isolate us from Him, especially through the voice of shame. But shame cannot undo God’s “yes” to us.

 

As I type these words, I have a deep sense that you may be reading this book and asking, Why would God allow that five-year-old girl to experience what she experienced? Why would God allow any of us to walk through the trials and pain that come with this life?

I want you to know there is so much about this fallen world that won’t make sense right now—at least not on this side of heaven. As my friend’s brother did what he did to me, God was weeping for His girl. God hates sin, and He hates the way the enemy twists it to convince God’s children that He is the one who caused the pain that comes from living on this broken Earth.

But I have good news. The Lord promises in Romans 8:28 that we know “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”

So while we don’t have all the answers to our questions, let’s keep walking—leaning into Him with desperate dependence, trusting that He already has it all figured out. No matter what happens to us, God never stops wanting us to come close. Our past or our pain does not disqualify us. In fact, it is often the very place where He invites us into deeper, more desperate dependence on Him.

Even in our earliest and most painful moments, His presence has already been at work — ready to bring healing and beauty from our brokenness.

As God began to rebuild my heart after that early pain, I started to notice the subtle lies the enemy had been planting about who I was. It wasn’t just about pain — it was about identity.

 

Chapter Two

The lies we believe

 

There was something about that night with my friend’s brother, yes, it was awful what was done to me, but it began to change the dialogue in my head. Prior to that night, I believed I was beautiful! I was free to be me. I lived out my five-year-old self with confidence. I loved dancing, reading, dreaming, putting together crazy outfits like no one else, and I had the greatest imagination! I told everyone I could, including strangers at the grocery store, about Jesus, even the guy smoking on the sidewalk, because I wanted everyone to know what I had in Jesus, because I knew they could have it too.  I believed with childlike faith that I could conquer the world with God leading me. That nothing could hinder our dynamic duo! But after that night, I felt different. I felt dirty, used, disposable, ugly, and silenced like the Little Mermaid did when Ursula took her voice. It didn’t seem to matter how much time passed; those descriptions of myself seemed to get louder and louder, and what I believed God said about me seemed to get quieter and quieter. I  figured out pretty quickly that in order to drown out those loud voices (at least temporarily) I would need to go looking for affirmation in people (mostly boys). I wanted to be seen and not a secret to be kept. So I would do whatever it took to get people to say I was “enough”.  I began to be desperate for someone to say I was beautiful when all I felt was ugly. I longed for someone to say I was of value to them, when all I felt was disposable. You see, the enemy is looking, dare I say prowling for the pain points and deepest hurts. He looks for ways to confuse and contort what God says about us. He knows that the voices of others can sometimes feel more real than the voice of God if we are not immersed in His presence and in the identity He has for us. The enemy will try to filter our focus and zoom in on the areas that most tempt us to believe the lies. You know what is ironic? What I longed for and desired in man was what God already offered me without the transaction of my earning it.

Friend, there is nothing like the love God offers.

It is beautifully described in the song Reckless Love by Cory Asbury:

“Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God.”

He pursues us.
He calls us by name.
He protects us.
He created us for a purpose.
He describes us as beautiful.
He chose us.

And though we fail every day, He never grows tired or weary of us.

That’s real love — not the imitation, cheap love this broken world offers — but the unconditional love of Jesus.

 

Do you remember those middle school years? They were some of the toughest for me, as I tried so desperately to find love that felt real. All my friends were getting asked out by the cute boys… and I was not. It was quite the opposite, actually — boys made fun of the way my ears stuck out, called me flat-chested, and too skinny.

I remember sitting at my typewriter, tears running down my face, praying to God that He would “fix me.” I begged Him to make my legs longer so I wouldn’t look like a giraffe walking on stilts. I pleaded for ears that didn’t remind everyone of Dumbo whenever I wore my hair in a ponytail. I prayed for my chest to fill out, even just enough to fit my training bra.

Then one day, it seemed like a miracle.

The boy I had a crush on… well, maybe he didn’t exactly ask me out—but he left a note in my locker.

I was over the moon.

Finally, someone saw me as beautiful.
Finally, someone thought I was worthy of affection.

The next morning, I picked out my best outfit, spritzed on some Bath & Body Works body spray, and walked into school feeling hopeful and ready. I knew where his classes were, and I tried to meet him after class, hoping to walk together. But throughout the entire day, he was cold. I reached for his hand… and he pulled away without a word.

By the end of a day filled with rejection after rejection, I opened my locker to find another note from my “new boyfriend.” He never wanted to go out with me in the first place. It was just a prank he and his friends had played on me. I looked up, tears streaming down my face, and saw a group of boys snickering in Locker Bay B.

Friend, how I wish I could hold the face of my middle-school self and tell her the truth. What just happened was the cheap stuff. You don’t want it. I know your heart feels shattered into a thousand pieces, and I hate that you have to walk through this.

But here is the truth: God says you are loved. God says you are beautiful. God sees you, and He has an extraordinary plan for your life — one He longs to partner with you in. Don’t let the pain of today steal your hope or distract you from His best for you.

Can I share a truth with you? When we look for our worth in the wrong places, we end up relying on ourselves. Placing our identity anywhere other than in God can draw us into self-reliance. But God’s love shows us how to depend on Him fully. When we root our identity in His love, we no longer have to earn worth or chase validation — we can rest completely in Him, trusting His love and grace to carry us.

So keep walking, dear one. Lean into Him. Trust that His love is enough, even when your world feels broken. Desperate dependence on God is not a weakness — it is the place where His strength, healing, and purpose come alive in your life.

As we begin to see ourselves through God’s eyes, we’re invited to live differently — to let His truth guide not just how we see ourselves, but how we walk with Him in everyday life.

 

Chapter Nine

A New Name

 

Over the year I spent separated from my second husband, the Lord began placing a word—a name—over my life. That name was “Bravery.”

It came up repeatedly: in counseling sessions, during my quiet times with God, and even in the most unexpected places. At a conference, a young woman I didn’t know came up to me and said, “You need to change your last name to Bravery.” I laughed nervously at the time, but the seed had been planted.

A few weeks before signing the divorce papers, God began revealing His plan: He was going to give our family a new name, just as He did for so many in the Bible. That name was Bravery.

And let me tell you—I wrestled with Him. I gave Him every excuse I could think of. I am not brave. I have so much fear for the present and the future. That name can’t be for me. Is that even a last name? What will people think?

But God was persistent. Through quiet moments of reflection, prayer, and the nudges of His Spirit, I began to understand His plan. He was giving our family the name Bravery—not because we were inherently brave, but because we had the choice to choose Bravery over fear as we walked into a future guided by Him—a God who knows the beginning from the end.

And in that surrender, Joshua 1:9 became alive for me: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Courage wasn’t about feeling fearless. It was about choosing to trust Him completely, to step forward in obedience, and to walk boldly into the story He was writing for us.

That realization became a turning point—not just for me, but for my children too. It was a moment of surrender, of trusting His guidance above every fear, doubt, and question. And it’s exactly that kind of listening—leaning fully on Him—that makes us brave, even when we don’t feel it.

I shared it with my children, and the three of us made a decision together: we would be the Bravery family.

On May 1, 2017, after meeting with four different judges at the local courthouse—each curious about why we were changing our name—we got to share about the faithfulness of Jesus. And just like that, the Bravery family was officially established.

Since then, nearly everyone I meet asks about our name. And every time, it becomes a divine opportunity to point them to the One who writes our stories—the One who gives us purpose, identity, and courage far beyond what we could claim on our own.

In the midst of so much uncertainty, fear, and doubt, God was calling me and my family into something greater. He was asking us to depend on His voice, not the world’s opinions, not our own insecurities, and certainly not the fear that gripped us. That call to desperate dependence—to listen to Him above everything else—became the cornerstone of our story.

 

Desperate Dependence in Real Time

What about you? Have you ever found yourself listening more to the noise around you than to the voice of the One who created you? It’s so easy to let the world’s opinions shape our decisions. Society tells us we need to be perfect, self-sufficient, and fearless. But the reality is that we are often fragile, afraid, and uncertain. That’s where desperate dependence comes in.

God wasn’t asking us to have all the answers or to be brave on our own. He was simply asking us to listen—to lean into His voice rather than the world’s expectations. And He’s asking you to do the same.

Remember what God says to us in Joshua 1:9: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Notice that God doesn’t promise we won’t face fear. He doesn’t promise we won’t feel discouraged. What He promises is that He will be with us—wherever we go. Our courage isn’t based on our own strength, but on His presence. And that is what makes all the difference.

Here are a few key lessons I’ve learned about desperate dependence on God’s voice, and how it can guide you in your own journey:

Lean into God’s voice, not the world’s.
The world will tell you to rely on your own strength, to push through the fear, to “fake it until you make it.” But God’s voice calls you to surrender your fears to Him, listen to His gentle whispers, and trust that He knows the way. When we depend on God’s voice, it silences the noise of the world.

Fear doesn’t go away—it becomes the backdrop for courage.
You won’t always feel brave. Courage comes when you choose to take the next step, even in the face of fear. Desperate dependence on God means you can move forward, knowing He is walking with you every step of the way. Courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s trusting God in the face of it.

Obedience brings clarity.
The more we listen to God’s voice and obey His leading, the clearer His direction becomes. When you choose to walk in obedience, even when it doesn’t make sense, you’ll see how God transforms your path. The world might call you foolish or unprepared, but obedience to God’s voice is the truest form of wisdom.

A word of encouragement:
God’s voice is a gift. In the midst of your doubts, fears, and even the loudest voices in the world, His voice is steady, steady enough to lead you forward. You don’t need to have it all figured out to trust Him—just take that next step of obedience, even when it’s hard. Desperate dependence on His voice brings peace, courage, and direction in ways that nothing else can.

The same God who led my family and me into choosing Bravery is calling you into your own journey of courage and trust. Will you listen? Will you choose to follow Him, even when the world tells you otherwise? He is with you—every step of the way.