Sample Chapters

Chapter 1: Serve First, Lead Second

“Everybody can be great…. because anybody can serve.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

My first work experience was as a salesclerk at a bakery, where I helped customers with their purchases, packaged orders, and handled cash transactions.  Through this role, I began to understand how important good customer service is to a business’s success.  I learned that patience and kindness can make a meaningful difference in how customers feel.   Simple actions, such as offering a smile or listening attentively, often helped create a more positive customer experience.

Serving customers from diverse backgrounds increased my awareness of different personalities and communication styles, reinforcing the importance of respect and empathy in every interaction. This early experience in customer service became a foundation for my professional growth, shaping my communication skills and ability to connect with others in meaningful ways. I learned to handle challenging situations with tact and composure.  Whether it was responding to an irate customer or filling urgent requests in a timely manner, I learned the importance of staying calm under pressure and resolving issues professionally. Working at the bakery taught me how serving others with respect and dignity creates a lasting impact. This experience has influenced my future roles, teaching me that the heart of any job lies in serving and helping others.

The bakery was owned and operated by a respected, long-standing member of the community- let’s call him John. John was kind, humble, and committed to building relationships with customers and employees. He prioritized the customer experience and inspired his team to do the same. His leadership style fostered a sense of belonging and loyalty, making each team member feel like family. John created an inclusive environment where everyone felt valued. His kindness extended beyond the workplace and into the community, as he frequently sat outside the bakery, warmly greeting those who passed by. John exemplified servant leadership through both his words and actions. Observing his management style taught me valuable lessons about leadership and its influence on both employees and customers. He treated his employees with genuine kindness, which motivated them to provide exceptional customer service. From him, I learned the importance of building strong relationships grounded in trust and respect.

John led with a people-focused perspective, enabling him to create a sustainable and successful business. He was a pillar of the community, beloved for his sincerity and generosity.  John wasn’t just a business owner concerned with numbers and profits; he was a dear and trusted friend to many people including the bakery’s customers. He greeted everyone who walked through the door by name and took the time to ask about their families and lives.  What set him apart was his willingness to help anyone in need. He often extended kind gestures- like slipping an extra pastry into someone’s box, giving a child a cookie, or offering a discount to a family in need. These acts of kindness were more about showing people that they mattered than about charity. The bakery became more than a place to buy pastries, cakes, cookies, and other desserts, it was a gathering spot where people met to chat while enjoying a cup of coffee and biscotti or cannoli.  It was a cornerstone of the community – a place where people felt welcomed, valued, and connected to one another. A place where people gathered to share good news or find comfort in difficult times. John was always there to listen empathetically or offer gentle words of encouragement.

Through John’s example, I learned that true leadership is about more than making money- it’s about serving others with sincerity and compassion. It’s about making a meaningful impact and leaving the world a little better than you found it. After his passing, both the bakery and the community were never quite the same. Although another owner took over operations, his leadership style differed greatly from John’s. Employees began to resign, the customer base declined, and the community gradually felt disconnected from the bakery. Eventually, the bakery shut down. While it saddens me that the business John built from the ground up is no longer in operation, his legacy continues to live on in the hearts of all those he touched- including mine.

The most effective leaders recognize the significant responsibility they bear in serving their people. They know that leadership is not about power or position but about helping others to achieve their full potential and work together toward shared organizational goals.  This profound responsibility requires selflessness and a genuine commitment to putting the well-being of their people first.   They prioritize service above all else, embodying the principle of “serve first, lead second.”  True leadership is rooted in service, support, and selflessness, focusing on uplifting others rather than seeking personal gain.  As Jesus himself taught, he came not to be served, but to serve- a powerful reminder that the heart of leadership lies in serving others with humility and purpose.

Lead with Love

Helping others is at the heart of leadership. I once attended an awards ceremony for a friend who received an “Outstanding Service Award.”   As I listened to each honoree deliver their acceptance speech, a recurring theme emerged: their commitment to helping others. One recipient, a Chief of Neurology at a local hospital, shared his dissatisfaction with how patients were often treated more like “items” than human beings. Determined to improve quality of care, he established a self-support group where patients could share their experiences, information, and offer support to each other. His goal was to create a safe space where people felt seen, heard, and supported while navigating their illnesses. Being part of a community of people facing similar challenges can reduce feelings of isolation and foster a sense of connection and belonging. Helping one another by sharing experiences, feelings, and coping strategies can be a great source of comfort. The doctor also mentors medical students and residents, emphasizing the importance of a people-focused approach to medicine.  His dedication and efforts are making a meaningful impact on the community.

I am a big supporter of small businesses. In an era where large chains are monopolizing industries, there are small mom and pop shops that work tirelessly to survive in a competitive marketplace against giants like Amazon. Small pharmacies, convenience stores, bookstores, restaurants, flower shops, and the list goes on. The difference between large chains and small businesses is heart. Small businesses are accessible, personal, and easy to connect with which humanizes them. Whereas big chains are more impersonal and like revolving doors with employees coming and going. Consider, a local pharmacist who has been operating his business at the same location for over 30 years. He not only knows every customer by name, but he also knows their family members. This pharmacy owner has the flexibility and accessibility to open his store in the middle of the night to fill a prescription for someone in need. But more importantly he has the heart and the compassion to help people. He provides his personal phone number to patients with chronic health issues requiring long-term medication and tells them to call him any time. His selfless efforts are making an impact, one person at a time.

Lead with Purpose

When you start a new job, ask yourself, ‘Why am I here?’  We all may have different responses based on our chosen profession. Whether you are a supermarket cashier packing groceries for customers, a doctor treating patients, a lawyer defending clients, a teacher educating students, a waitress serving food to patrons, you are helping someone. You are here to serve others.  That is why you are here. When you do your job with the focus on serving and helping others instead of the tasks themselves, you will deliver excellent customer service every time.   When you put people first, your work becomes more meaningful and purposeful. Regardless of your job duties, when you see how your work impacts and enriches the lives of others, you experience a rewarding feeling of joy that goes beyond the task at hand.  People are at the heart of leadership, and when you lead with purpose, your work shines and positively impacts the lives of others.

See, Slow down, Serve

I enjoy listening to our priest deliver the homily at Mass. He has a special way of connecting the readings to everyday life that inspires me to reflect on my faith and live it out with hope and courage. I recall a homily where our priest shared a powerful message, encouraging the congregation to “see, slow down, and serve.”

He explained that seeing means looking beyond surface-level appearances, understanding others with empathy, and acknowledging their strengths, challenges, fears, hopes, and aspirations. In the workplace, perceptive leaders pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues like body language, tone of voice, attitude, or changes in behavior. They notice when a team member is struggling or unusually quiet. Rather than making assumptions, they check in, listen empathetically, ask thoughtful questions, and provide support and guidance.

Slowing down requires us to pause and take the time to connect with people in a meaningful way.  Servant leaders truly listen to the thoughts, concerns, and ideas of their people. They slow down and set aside distractions to have one-on-one conversations with each of their team members.  In a world that moves at a fast pace, slowing down allows us to prioritize what matters most: People!  Leaders who slow down and see others with empathy and understanding foster an environment of trust where people feel valued and supported.

Finally, serving means putting the needs of others above your own.  Leadership is about empowering others by providing them with the tools, resources, and encouragement to succeed. Serving others with humility, empathy, and compassion builds trust and impactful relationships.  Leaders who slow down to truly see their people are better equipped to serve and help them to grow and succeed.

By seeing, slowing down, and serving, leaders become more thoughtful and purposeful in their interactions with others in transformational ways. Suppose one of your employees is uncharacteristically withdrawn and disconnected from the rest of the team. Instead of ignoring the situation or assuming that the employee is unhappy or unsatisfied at work, an effective leader will check in and seek to understand the shift in behavior. After speaking with the employee, you learn that he is struggling with the new software system. You offer support by providing additional resources and training to help the employee to successfully perform his job. Servant leaders want the people they lead to succeed.  They strive to mentor and help their team members to develop and enhance their skills and abilities and to seize opportunities for growth and advancement.

7 Core Leadership Values

The United States Army uses the acronym LDRSHIP to describe the seven core values that all soldiers and leaders are expected to embody.  These values are rooted in the principles of servant leadership, capturing the true spirit of serving with purpose and humility.

L – Loyalty

D – Duty

R – Respect

S – Selfless service

H – Honesty

I – Integrity

P – Personal courage

Whether you are part of an organization in sports, in the corporate world, in an educational institution, or in the military, these seven values are essential to its success.

Loyalty

World War I veteran, S.L.A. Marshall wrote, “Loyalty is the big thing, the greatest battle asset of all.  But no man ever wins the loyalty of troops by preaching loyalty. It is given him by them as he proves his possession of the other virtues.”  Leaders earn the loyalty of their team members by treating them with respect, providing the tools, resources, and training they need to succeed, and supporting their growth and development. When a team trusts and believes in a leader’s commitment to act in their best interest, that loyalty endures through challenges. Ultimately, loyalty is built on trust – and trust lies at the heart of exceptional leadership.

Duty

As a leader, you are expected to uphold a high level of integrity in every aspect of your professional duties. Fulfilling your duty means honoring your commitments, prioritizing your team’s well-being, and taking accountability for your decisions and actions. Leaders with a strong sense of duty build trust and collaboration, creating an environment where others feel supported, valued, and empowered to contribute toward shared objectives.

Colonel Hal Moore, a U.S. Army Commander during the Vietnam War’s Battle of la Drang, demonstrated courage and commitment, driven by a deep sense of duty to protect his soldiers. He said, “I will always be the first to set foot on the field and the last to step off.” His selfless leadership and care for his troops exemplifies the true meaning of duty and sacrifice.

Respect

Respect means honoring the dignity and worth in every single person regardless of title, rank, or status.  Leaders who foster a respectful workplace create an environment of trust, teamwork, and belonging, where people feel supported and valued for their contributions.

William Slim, a World War II Field Marshall, earned the respect of his troops through his humility, empathy, and genuine concern for them. He joined them on the front lines in harsh jungle conditions and shared their hardships, including extreme heat, disease, and exhaustion. He slept in the same types of shelters, ate the same rations, listened to their concerns, and boosted their morale after repeated defeats. He rebuilt their confidence through honest communication and training in jungle warfare tactics, turning their weaknesses to strengths and defeats to victories. Soldiers later said they would have followed him anywhere- the true mark of a great leader.

Selfless Service

Selfless service means putting the needs of others before your own. Just as selfless soldiers prioritize the greater good of their country, selfless leaders place the needs of their employees, customers, and organizations above personal interests. Whether on the battlefield or in the boardroom, such leaders create an environment where people feel valued, supported, and part of something meaningful.

Major Richard Winters demonstrated selfless service during World War II through his humility, bravery, and unwavering commitment to his troops. During the Battle of Brecourt Manor, he led from the front, risking his life to ensure the safety of his soldiers. Winters consistently placed their well-being above his own, ensuring they had adequate food, rest, and encouragement.  He never sought recognition or praise; instead, he gave credit to his soldiers, saying, “I’m not a hero, but I served in a company of heroes.” After the war, he continued to help others by mentoring young officers and sharing his lessons on leadership.

Honor

Honor embodies all the core values of leadership- loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, integrity, and courage. Leading with honor means taking accountability, acting with fairness, and doing what is right, even when it is difficult. It involves being a positive role model and living out one’s values with courage and conviction.  Honorable leadership fosters a sense of security, stability, and hope in challenging times, as people are more likely to follow leaders they perceive as fair, loyal, and authentic.

General Colin Powell lived his life with a strong code of honor and commitment to service. He led with integrity, humility, and transparency. Even when faced with political and military pressure, he stayed true to his values. Throughout his career, from Soldier to Secretary of State, Powell placed the country’s well-being above his own personal interests, showing a deep sense of duty and honor. He treated people with dignity, spoke honestly about the realities of war, and took responsibility for his decisions.  He said, “The essence of leadership is holding your people to the highest possible standard while taking the best possible care of them.”

Integrity

Integrity means aligning your actions with what you believe is right.  Leading with integrity is about being honest, consistent, and fair. Integrity is key to building trust and credibility.  When leaders say what they mean and do what they say, people are more likely to trust and respect them. Integrity is about following through on your words with actions. It’s about doing what you say you are going to do. Leaders who consistently say one thing and do another thing will eventually lose the respect of their team members.  People want leaders who keep their commitments, take accountability for their actions, and act responsibly and fairly.

General Norman Schwarzkopf consistently embodied integrity through his moral courage and commitment to doing the right thing, even in the face of pressure.  He treated his troops with respect, fairness, and a genuine concern for their well-being.  Schwarzkopf’s straightforward and candid nature enabled him to connect with people in authentic and meaningful ways. He stayed true to his values, refusing to compromise them for personal gain. During Operation Desert Storm, he made decisions guided by ethics and duty, rather than by politics, popularity, or external pressure.  He famously said, “Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be without strategy.”

Personal Courage

Personal courage is the ability to do what needs to be done, even when it’s scary.  Leading with personal courage is about standing up for what is right regardless of the consequences. Leaders with personal courage face fear and challenges with determination, resilience, and faith. They make decisions that benefit and protect the greater good and take responsibility when things go wrong. Leaders with personal courage have a mental toughness that inspires others to never give up and to move forward with conviction in the direction of their goals.

Lieutenant Audie Murphy demonstrated both moral and physical courage through his bravery and selflessness during World War II. He led from the front, prioritizing the safety of others above his own life.  Even after receiving the country’s highest military award, the Medal of Honor, he shifted the attention and credit from himself to his comrades.

 

 

Here to Serve

Some leaders hold the mindset that they are here to serve while others believe they are here to be served.  Leaders who are here to serve live by the seven core values.  They prioritize building solid relationships based on loyalty, respect, and integrity.  Leaders with a service-oriented mindset strive to add value and help others. They put people first, prioritizing customer satisfaction and employee well-being. In contrast, leaders who are here to be served focus more on what they can get rather than what they can give.  They prioritize personal gain over the greater good of the team. Instead of giving recognition, they take all the credit. Instead of being transparent and sharing information, they are closed off and secretive. Leaders who are here to be served have a sense of entitlement and fail to take responsibility when things go wrong. Instead of promoting a collaborative, positive workplace, they create a toxic environment.

Servant Leadership in Action

Omar Bradley was a senior officer of the United States Army during World War II, rising to the rank of General of the Army. General Bradley wrote, “No commander can become a strategist until he first knows his men. Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals, he is unfit for command.”  He prioritized people, showing compassion and genuine concern for the welfare of others.

General Bradley sought suggestions from others on how to enhance military plans.  He recruited new talent to bring fresh perspectives to challenging problems. Early in his career, Bradley taught math at West Point and served as an Infantry School instructor under the leadership of Lieutenant Colonel George Marshall. He taught his students infantry strategies and techniques and empowered them to solve challenging problems.

As Bradley advanced in his career, he continued to place a high priority on listening empathetically and mentoring and inspiring others to reach their full potential. As a leader, Bradley met with his team regularly, showed genuine interest in what they were doing, and created a culture of trust. He demonstrated his commitment to others by promoting teamwork and collaboration. Instead of seeking recognition, he credited his team and praised them for their achievements. Bradley was referred to as “The Soldier’s General” because he put his men’s welfare before his own. He led by example, understanding the importance of his great responsibility in developing future leaders.

General Bradley was good at assessing each team member’s strengths, capabilities, and weaknesses.  This awareness enabled him to put the right people in the right positions, optimizing opportunities for success. He believed that effective leaders must not only understand their responsibilities but also have a clear understanding of each team member’s role. Bradley said, “Leaders must get around and show interest in what their subordinates are doing.” A leader does not need to have specialized experience in every aspect of the business but should have a good understanding of each team member’s job and contributions toward the organization’s mission.

As a Human Resources/People leader, I’m involved in decision making that impacts employees at all levels of the organization. While I do not have specialized knowledge in every area of the business, I do have a thorough understanding of the roles and responsibilities of each job and its impact on the overall mission of the organization. My goal in supporting department heads is to ensure that adequate staffing levels are in place for their unit to function effectively.  In our conversations, we talk about new technologies, requirements, and regulations that have changed the way they do business.  In order to recruit the right people with the required skills and background, it is essential for me to understand the job and the needs of the department.

General Bradley emphasized the people side of business, stating that, “A leader should possess human understanding and consideration for others.  Men are not robots and should not be treated as such.” A big difference between a leader and a boss is that a leader does not need to impose authority or be bossy for people to follow him.  A leader’s influence is felt by his example, his character, his integrity, his knowledge, and his commitment to the team and the organization. In other words, a leader’s influence is felt by the way he treats people. A good leader knows that if he wants respect, he must give respect.  A key element to respect is empathy. Empathetic leaders have a deep understanding and consideration for people.  Employees will respond positively when they feel understood, valued, seen, and heard. They will go above and beyond the call of duty for a leader who takes the time to listen, understand, encourage, and provide support and guidance to them.

Good leaders may not know the detailed intricacies of every aspect of a job, but they are extremely knowledgeable about people. They prioritize their relationships because they know that their employees and customers are the key to their success. Employees who trust their leaders will give one hundred percent of their effort and loyalty to them. General Bradley identifies character as a vital quality that leaders should possess.  Character traits like integrity, empathy, self-awareness, humility, and respect for others are crucial for the success of any leader. Leaders who consistently demonstrate good character will be trusted and respected by the people they lead.  We want leaders who will go to bat for us and who will have our backs.

As a leader, the most important thing for you to understand is that you are here to serve your employees, your customers, your organization, and your community. Leadership is not about power or entitlement, it’s about service.  It’s about serving your employees by creating a supportive environment. It’s about serving your customers by ensuring their needs are met. It’s about serving your organization by supporting its mission with integrity and excellence. It’s about serving your community by making a positive contribution. When leaders adopt a service-oriented mindset, they create an environment of respect, honesty, and integrity.

 

 

 

Chapter 2: Be humble

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.” – C.S. Lewis

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines humility as “the state of being free from pride or arrogance.”  What does it mean to be free from pride?  I associate pride with fear. Fear of asking for help. Fear of asking questions. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being perceived as weak or dependent. Fear of embarrassment.  Fear of rolling up your sleeves and doing the hard work.  Pride leads to unwillingness. Unwillingness to try something new, to admit mistakes or forgive others for theirs, to listen to feedback, and to serve others.

With pride comes a sense of entitlement and superiority.  Proud leaders tend to view themselves as superior to others and consider certain tasks beneath them. They don’t want others to have the power or the knowledge- they want it all for themselves.

I’m not talking about the kind of pride that a beaming parent feels watching their child walk across the stage to receive their diploma. Being genuinely proud of another person for their hard-earned accomplishments is a wonderful thing. Social media postings include hashtags saying, “#proudmom” or “#prouddad.”  As parents, we feel proud, but I would think we mostly feel joyful, happy, and grateful.

I am referring to the kind of pride that is pretentious, resentful, insecure, destructive, and envious.

P.R.I.D.E

Pretentious- Bragging and acting superior to others.

Resentful- Feeling angry or bitter about being wronged or treated badly.

Insecure- Lacking confidence in yourself.

Destructive- Being harmful instead of helpful.

Envious- Resenting someone for having something that you want.

 

Unlike proud leaders, humble leaders are not driven by a desire for recognition, applause, or power. They believe there is room for everyone to grow and succeed.

Humble leaders are honorable, understanding, motivational, balanced, loving, and empathetic.

H.U.M.B.L.E

Honorable – Acting with integrity and fairness.

Understanding – Being aware of and considerate toward other people’s feelings.

Motivational – Inspiring others to achieve their full potential.

Balanced- Staying upright and steady in the face of praise and criticism.

Loving- Doing all things with love.

Empathetic- Putting yourself in other people’s shoes.

At some point in our careers, many of us have encountered both the humble leader and the proud leader.  These two types of leaders couldn’t be more different. The contrast between humility and pride is often the difference between success and failure.  Humility builds; pride destroys.  Humility unites; pride divides. Humility loves; pride criticizes. Humility uplifts; pride discourages. Humility hopes; pride fears. Humility accepts; pride rejects.

Proud Leader

Consider Paulette, a proud leader who is highly skilled and has many years of experience. She insists her way is the best and dismisses any ideas that differ. When things go wrong, she blames everyone but herself. Paulette eagerly takes credit for her team’s successes yet fails to recognize or praise the contributions of others. Initially, her team respects her expertise, but over time her confidence turns into arrogance, creating significant challenges. Team members become less engaged, stop offering suggestions, and avoid taking initiative for fear of ridicule or punishment. When Paulette fails to secure an extension on a deadline, causing a major project to fail, she again shifts the blame to her team. By choosing to lead with pride instead of humility, she creates an environment filled with distrust and resentment.

Humble Leader

Henry, on the other hand, is a humble leader with a wealth of experience and knowledge. He values each team member and encourages them to share ideas, take initiative, and solve problems. When things go wrong, he takes responsibility and shares lessons learned with the team. Henry recognizes progress and celebrates success, giving his employees credit for their hard work and contributions. His servant leadership style motivates the team to perform at optimal levels and collaborate effectively.

Henry fosters an environment of trust where employees feel valued and supported. His team-oriented approach inspires others to offer input and work together to find solutions to complex problems. When a team member raises a concern about the direction of a project, Henry listens attentively and makes necessary adjustments. As a result, his employees consistently go above and beyond to ensure that projects are completed successfully and on time.

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

While Paulette’s team struggles under her prideful leadership, Henry’s team thrives under his humble leadership.  Prideful leadership causes lower morale and decreases productivity and creativity. In contrast, humble leadership leads to better team dynamics and higher levels of motivation, morale, and productivity.  Instead of insisting that they have all the answers, the best kind of leaders motivate their employees to work together to find creative solutions.  Prideful leaders isolate their employees by declaring, “I am the boss. It’s my way or the highway.”  Humble leaders unite their employees by asking, “What do you think?” or “How can I help you?”

Fishers of People

Humble leaders understand that leadership is about casting a vision and inspiring others to bring it to fruition. It’s about using your influence to make a positive change. It’s about developing future leaders.  In Matthew 4:19, Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee and saw two brothers, Peter and Andrew, fishing. Jesus said to them, “Come with me, and I will make you fishers of people.” The brothers left their nets and followed Jesus. Jesus reminds us that leadership is not about exercising power and authority over people; it’s about helping them to grow and develop.

The greatest leaders are “fishers of people.”  They inspire and bring people together to achieve a shared purpose. Leading with humility is about guiding and developing people step by step to a greater understanding. Effective leaders envision a goal and create a path that will help the individual and the organization to achieve the desired outcome.

Saint Teresa of Calcutta and Marie Antoinette were two famous and powerful women in history, but they led very different lives.  One led with humility and service to others, while the other was known for being prideful and seeking personal gain.

Model of Humility

Mother Teresa dedicated her life to serving the poor and the sick, always putting the needs of others first. She led with compassion and humility, never seeking attention or recognition for her work.  After moving to India, she began teaching at St. Mary’s High School for girls in Calcutta.  The school had comfortable beds, fans to keep cool, and beautiful gardens, but outside its walls she witnessed extreme poverty: lepers, beggars, and people dying in the streets. Mother Teresa was so troubled by what she saw that she left her comfortable job at St. Mary’s to help those suffering on the streets of Calcutta. She studied nursing and gained the skills to help those in need.  With a deep sense of compassion, she opened a center to care for the sick and the dying. Over time, her centers expanded and grew worldwide.

Pride in Action

In contrast, Marie Antoinette, the Queen of France lived in luxury in the Palace of Versailles, while her people endured extreme poverty. She spent extravagantly on clothes, jewelry, and entertainment, while the people of France faced famine and high taxes. Marie Antoinette isolated herself from the struggles of her people by escaping to her personal retreat, Petit Trianon. She refused to listen to early warnings about the French Revolution, convinced that her monarchy was indestructible. Upon her arrest, she remained prideful and refused to acknowledge the suffering of her people. It was her failure to recognize the needs of others that attributed to the French Revolution and ultimately led to her execution by guillotine. Marie Antoinette serves as an example of how pride can lead to downfall.

Mother Teresa touched countless lives with her humble heart, leaving a powerful legacy of hope.  Through her unwavering acts of service and compassion, she showed that true leadership is rooted in helping others.  In contrast, the story of Marie Antoinette exemplifies how pride and isolation from the people in your care can lead to destruction.

Leadership fails when pride causes leaders to detach themselves from the people they should serve.  Marie Antoinette made choices that benefited herself rather than the people entrusted to her care. Her lavish spending contributed to France’s financial crisis. Instead of being a positive role model and leading by example, she maintained an extravagant lifestyle. She abused her power and neglected her responsibility to her people which ultimately led to her execution and the downfall of her monarchy.

Mother Teresa, on the other hand, identified with the struggles of the people of Calcutta.  She treated everyone with respect, compassion, and dignity and made personal sacrifices for the greater good. Mother Teresa was a servant leader who worked alongside the people she served and put their needs ahead of her own. She once said, “If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace because you know what you are.”

Humble people are unaffected by praise or criticism because they are not dependent on the external world for validation of their worth. Praise does not swell their ego, and criticism does not shake their confidence.  Their sense of worth is not based on what others think. They do not seek recognition, acknowledgment or approval from others. And they do not let rejection or criticism crush their spirits. Humble people are secure in their identity and have a quiet confidence that naturally draws others to them. It is in being humble that we connect with people in an authentic and meaningful way.

Pride at Work

I once worked with an Information Technology leader who constantly felt the need to prove he was the smartest person in the room. He used technical terms to explain systems and processes, even when addressing a non-technical audience. Instead of simplifying concepts so others could understand, he chose language that confused people. Although he was very knowledgeable, his approach limited collaboration and discouraged others from contributing ideas. His arrogance created a culture where good suggestions were ignored simply because they didn’t come from him. Whenever someone asked a question or sought clarification, he would shake his head and smirk in a condescending way. His reactions made it clear he saw himself as superior. Instead of being helpful and supportive, he isolated team members by discouraging open communication and learning.  The environment became toxic because he was more interested in showcasing his intelligence than helping others grow.

That experience taught me the value of humility and the importance of creating space for every voice to be heard. A prideful leader can damage morale, reduce productivity, and isolate team members. Eventually, the IT leader left the organization and was replaced by someone who understands both the technical and human sides of the business. Under his humble and empathetic leadership, the team is now thriving. Proud leaders often believe that leadership is about telling people what to do. But relying on control, dominance, and manipulation to achieve quick results only leads to burnout, dependence, rebellion, and ultimately employee turnover—clear signs of failed leadership.

Calm Under Pressure

It is surprising that some leaders still get away with dictatorial styles in today’s workplace. While many companies now emphasize employee engagement and well-being, some individuals still cling to authoritarian approaches.

Consider Oscar, a seasoned manager who often loses his temper and screams at his team members, creating a tense and uncomfortable work environment. His outbursts are loud enough for the entire department to hear him, whether screaming at the person in his office or at the other end of the telephone.  He has a strong need for control, insisting that his team follow his way of doing things rather than encouraging them to be innovative, independent thinkers. Oscar fails to realize that leadership built on fear is neither effective nor sustainable. One of the worst things you can do as a leader is to lose your temper.

True leaders stay calm under pressure, leading their teams with poise and confidence, while temperamental bosses create an environment of fear. There’s a quote that goes, “Self-control is strength. Calmness is mastery. You have to get to a point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don’t allow others to control the direction of your life. Don’t allow your emotions to empower your intelligence.” Reacting with anger can cause a leader to act impulsively and make bad decisions, creating a toxic environment where team members feel fearful and stressed.

Humble leaders put people first

As Army Chief of Staff for President Franklin Delano Roosevelt during World War II, General George C. Marshall worked hard to build America’s weak military infrastructure and position it to win the war. He knew that America’s military was not as prepared as Germany’s and made it his mission to strengthen it. Marshall focused on the human side of leadership by mentoring, developing, and encouraging the soldiers to reach their full potential. He cared about the well-being of his soldiers and worked hard to improve living conditions and to ensure they had sufficient resources, support, and training.

Marshall put the welfare of other people ahead of his own.  An example of his selfless leadership came after discovering that a mother lost three of her four sons in battle.  General Marshall pulled her surviving son, James Ryan, from the frontlines in France and sent him back home to his mother in America. His genuine concern and compassion for others is a clear reflection of his strong character and commitment to placing the public good over personal interests.

Marshall embodied the principles of servant leadership by helping and preparing his team members for leadership roles.  Instead of micromanaging his team, he empowered them to make decisions and often said, “Go right ahead, and don’t worry about me. You are to do what you think best.” He focused on the big picture and trusted his team to handle the details. I have seen leaders get so caught up in every little detail and lose sight of the big picture of what they do and why they do it. Instead of empowering their team members to make decisions on minor matters, they intervene and shift their attention from the major issues.

Marshall understood what it takes to be an effective leader.  Effective leadership is about developing your people and then trusting them to get the job done.  Trust builds morale.  Great leaders know that employee morale and well-being are critical to the success of any organization.  Once at a graduation, General Marshall said, “Where there is high morale… all things are possible; without it, everything else- planning, preparation, production- count for naught.”  He was known to visit army posts and speak with the soldiers about whatever was on their minds. Marshall was very interested in what his soldiers had to say. His personal qualities of integrity, empathy, and humility served him well and enabled him to connect with his soldiers in meaningful ways.

Strength in humility

Theologian John R.W. Stott said, “Pride is your greatest enemy, humility is your greatest friend.” In the corporate world, humility is often misunderstood as a sign of weakness, while toughness and power are perceived as the keys to success. As we climb the ladder and gain more knowledge, success, and recognition, pride can easily take root. The danger of pride is that it can create a sense of superiority and unrealistic expectations. We may begin to assume that others should comply with our demands and punish them when they fail to do so. Pride convinces us that our position or power entitles us to dictate, expect special treatment, act superior, or mistreat others.  True leadership is not grounded in pride or dominance but in humility, service, and stewardship. The more you have—whether power, fame, or fortune—the more you should humble yourself.

Leading with humility means being less ego-centric and more people-focused. Proud leaders often let their sense of superiority dismiss the ideas, suggestions, and contributions of others. This creates a contentious and toxic work environment where power struggles erode morale, weaken relationships, and stifle growth. In contrast, the strongest leaders understand that the higher you rise, the more important it is to stay rooted in humility. They recognize that leadership is not about control but about serving others with integrity and respect.

Leadership is stewardship, being a caretaker of the people and the organization entrusted to your care. It isn’t about entitlement, power, or ego. It’s about serving others, helping rather than harming, and leading in ways that elevate everyone around you. Power and influence carry a responsibility to help others and should never be abused for personal gain or glory.

I view humility and pride as opposites because they reflect fundamentally different attitudes toward oneself and others. Humble leaders know that their success depends on the collective efforts of their teams. They listen empathetically, value diverse perspectives, and empower others to grow. Proud leaders, on the other hand, often carry an inflated sense of self-importance and an excessive desire for recognition, which can damage relationships and hinder progress.

Julius Ceasar and Pompey

Consider how the rivalry between Julius Ceasar and Pompey turned them from friends into enemies.  Ceasar was an ambitious leader rising through the ranks, while Pompey was a powerful and influential general who won many military battles. Both men sought to control Rome, and their intense power struggle ultimately led to a civil war. Ceaser wanted military command and spent many years conquering tribes and expanding Rome’s influence. His military success increased his popularity with the people, threatening Pompey’s authority.  The Senate demanded that Ceasar disband his army and return to Rome, but he refused to do so. Instead, Ceasar and his army crossed the Rubicon River and pursued Pompey. The two armies collided in Greece, where Ceaser’s army defeated Pompey’s forces.  Pompey fled to the Pharaoh in Egypt for support and protection. However, the Pharaoh feared Ceasar’s power and killed Pompey. After Pompey’s death, Ceasar continued conquering territories and accumulating power. However, his reign was cut short by his assassination.  The conflict between Ceasar and Pompey is a bitter reminder of the destructiveness of pride.

Power Struggle

In the workplace, unchecked pride can create a toxic, divisive environment where personal gain takes priority over the greater good.  When two leaders are power hungry and possess strong egos, increased competition can make it difficult for them to compromise and collaborate. Leaders who are determined to prove themselves right often prioritize their own perspectives over the team’s mission. In their efforts to prove others wrong, they may lose sight of the bigger picture. When two leaders clash due to differing opinions, it can create tension within the team, leaving members feeling stuck in the middle.

Proud leaders who see themselves as the central authority figure often struggle with sharing decision-making power. When two power figures clash, their inability to compromise can lead to heated disagreements and toxic relationships.  Proud leaders take satisfaction in making their rivals look bad. They will use unethical tactics such as gossip and sabotage to increase their power and authority, deliberately hindering the success of their rivals. Instead of moving forward with the mission of the team, proud leaders prioritize their own agenda. It’s difficult for them to help and support others when their primary focus is on advancing their own interests. Instead of encouraging cooperation and collaboration among team members, proud leaders are too busy promoting themselves. Their desire for personal success can cause them to withhold important information from team members or take credit for other people’s work. Instead of sharing their knowledge and helping others to succeed, proud leaders are more interested in micromanaging and being in the spotlight. Their inability to put the team first creates a toxic environment of distrust and low morale.

Choose kindness

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt completely certain you were right, and the other person was wrong? You articulate your perspective clearly and persuasively, expecting your reasoning to resonate with the other person.  Instead, they disagree and maintain their standpoint. You clarify, elaborate, and rephrase, but nothing changes.  The conversation becomes strained, and frustration rises on both sides. What started as a simple conversation turns into a heated debate with no resolution, leaving everyone exhausted.

In moments like these, pride can trap us in the need to be “right,” blinding us to the bigger picture. It’s worth asking: Is winning the argument really more important than maintaining healthy relationships? There’s a saying: “Sometimes it’s better to be kind than to be right. We do not need an intelligent mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens.”

When leaders focus on being right and proving others wrong, they often create environments where employees hesitate to contribute or think creatively. But leaders who balance confidence with humility understand that kindness is a strength—not a weakness. These leaders encourage employees to share ideas and take responsibility for mistakes without fear of criticism. While proud leaders quickly point out errors to elevate themselves, humble leaders aim to guide others toward understanding and improvement without shame.

Proud leaders want to appear smarter and superior. Instead of choosing humility, they choose to humiliate. Many of us have attended meetings where one person dominates the discussion, showcasing their expertise with a barrage of facts. The problem is that when one person dominates the conversation, others lose the chance to share their perspectives and insights.

Humble leaders, on the other hand, practice active listening. They genuinely want to hear what their team members have to say. They ensure every voice is heard and valued. By prioritizing kindness over the need to be right, they foster teamwork, respect, and collaboration. Humble leaders recognize they don’t have all the answers, and they invite feedback. In doing so, they create environments where employees feel trusted, engaged, supported, and truly appreciated.

For the greater good

George Washington was a humble leader with a deep love for his country and its people. He loved his country so much that he stepped down as commander in chief of the Continental Army after an incredible victory over the British in the American Revolution. He waited until the British army left the United States and the war was resolved before resigning. In his position as General of the Continental Army, Congress gave Washington great power and authority like that of a dictator or king. He could have easily kept his power and became the new nation’s king.  Instead, Washington humbly declined the offer and resigned and returned to civilian life. He chose to give his power back to Congress and the people to help move the nation forward.

Washington was at the height of his career, leading the Continental Army to victory over the British. Instead of basking in his glory and advancing his personal interests, he humbly resigned to ensure that power remained with the American people.  It is uncommon for people in positions of power and influence to willingly relinquish their authority. The more power one wields, the harder it is to let it go. Some leaders even delay retirement because they enjoy the power and influence that comes with their positions.  Washington’s commitment to shared power and putting the greater good ahead of his own agenda is the epitome of a humble leader.

Humble leaders put the needs of the people ahead of their personal interests.

 

Chapter 3: Give grace

“Grace is something given freely, not something we can earn, yet it changes everything.”            –Henri Nouwen

The Unforgiving Servant

One of the greatest examples of what it means to give grace is found in the biblical story of the unforgiving servant. Peter asked, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.” Jesus goes on to tell a story about a servant who owed his master a large amount. Since the servant could not pay back the debt, his master demanded that he, his wife, his children, and his property be sold in payment of the amount owed. The servant fell to his knees and pleaded, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.”  Filled with compassion, the master forgave the servant and let him go.  The servant left and ran into a fellow servant who owed him a small amount. He choked him and demanded payment for the amount owed. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged for mercy, saying, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.” However, he refused and put him in prison until he paid back the amount owed.  Some onlookers were disturbed by what happened and reported the incident to the master. It angered the master that the servant failed to show his fellow servant the same compassion, mercy, and grace that he had been given.  The master had the servant imprisoned until the debt was paid back.  This parable clearly illustrates how we are called to extend the same grace to others that we ourselves have received.

At the heart of responding with grace is a willingness to help others, and this is a cornerstone of true leadership. Giving grace is about showing empathy, compassion, and patience even in difficult moments. The first servant pleaded with his master to be patient, and the master, moved by compassion, chose to forgive the debt and release him. Instead of acting out of self-interest, he chose to help someone in need.  However, that same servant failed to show the same mercy he had just received to a fellow servant who owed him. Leading with grace is not about flexing your authority, it’s about lending a helping hand. It’s not about being above others, but working beside them offering support, help, and guidance. Leaders who respond with grace choose to stay calm under pressure, listen with compassion instead of judgment, and help others to grow and succeed.

Grace, not perfection

Grace-filled leadership prioritizes the needs of others and fosters a culture of forgiveness, empathy, and understanding. People are not perfect. We make mistakes, say the wrong thing, or just fall short. Imperfections don’t make us weak; they make us real.  At some point or another most of us have either been given or denied grace.  Whether someone gave you grace when you least deserved it or withheld it when you needed it most, the feeling stays with you and leaves a lasting impact.

Consider the different teaching styles. Some teachers understand that students are human and going through personal issues that impact how they show up at school. Other teachers have zero tolerance and enforce rules to the letter, upholding the importance of discipline and accountability. While both styles can come from a place of concern and compassion, grace-giving teachers take a gentler approach. They are patient, understanding, flexible, supportive, and sensitive to the feelings and emotions of their students. Whereas, strict teachers are more rigid, seeking to teach their students responsibility.

I have had both types of teachers, and I am grateful to them both. My high school English teacher, who I will call Ms. Smith, enforced strict deadlines. She assigned a weekly essay that was due promptly at the beginning of class every Monday- no exceptions, no excuses, and no extensions.  Anyone who failed to submit their essay on time was given a zero. When one student tried to explain that she had to care for her ill grandmother all weekend, Ms. Smith said, “We all have responsibilities. We can either choose to honor or neglect them.”

On the other hand, my high school math teacher, who I will call Ms. Jones, listened first and then determined the appropriate action to be taken. When Ms. Jones saw a student struggling with a certain math concept, she provided further clarification or offered extra help after school.  She wanted her students to succeed.  Instead of imposing penalties or being overly critical, Ms. Jones equipped her students with the resources to excel.  She created practice tests and held review sessions after school. Ms. Jones refused to watch her students fail. She made math fun by using realistic examples to explain and solve complex math problems. Ms. Jones cared about her students and saw them as people with lives outside of the classroom.

Ms. Smith instilled fear of discipline while Ms. Jones fostered trust by being flexible, understanding, and supportive.  Most of us students looked forward to English class with Ms. Jones, though we were less enthusiastic about Math class with Ms. Smith.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back, the lessons I learned from both teaching styles have become much clearer. Ms. Smith empowered me to believe that I am the leader of my learning and my life. She taught me self-discipline, resilience, and responsibility.  Ms. Jones helped me see humanity in others and appreciate the gift of grace.  Grace means forgiving others for their mistakes and recognizing that everyone struggles with something. It’s about being understanding, showing mercy, and offering compassion instead of passing judgment. Leading with grace is not about expecting perfection, but instead fostering an environment where others feel safe to grow, fail, and try again.

 

Grace under Pressure

Ernest Hemingway described courage as “grace under pressure.”  Grace under pressure is the ability to stay calm and poised in stressful situations. It’s about confronting challenges with a positive attitude and leading with dignity and strength. Grace-filled leaders think clearly, make sound decisions, communicate effectively, and maintain their composure in times of crisis.

Consider Tibor (Ted) Rubin who was only 13 years old when he was sent to a concentration camp during World War II. He said, “Every day so many people were killed.” By the grace of God, Ted was rescued and freed by the U.S. Army. He remembered, “The American soldiers had great compassion for us.  Even though we were filthy, we stunk and had diseases, they picked us up and brought us back to life.” In gratitude, Ted joined the U.S. Army and began serving in Korea. On one occasion, an injured soldier, Cpl. Leonard Hamm, had been left behind and was presumed to be dead. The thought of leaving a soldier behind tugged at Rubin’s heart. He went back on his own and crawled through sniper fire to rescue Hamm. Rubin later said, “All I could think about was that somebody back home was waiting for him to return.”

On another occasion, Ted spent 30 months as a prisoner of war in Korea. He had the chance to be released, but he refused, choosing to stay and help his fellow soldiers. He helped the sick, spent an entire night picking lice off a soldier, snuck out at night and stole food from local gardens or stores to feed the hungry soldiers, and uplifted them with his encouraging words of hope. His sergeant Leo Cormier said, “He saved a lot of GI’s lives.  He gave them the courage to go on living when a lot of guys didn’t make it. He saved my life when I could have laid in a ditch and died- I was nothing but flesh and bones.”  Through his physical, mental, and emotional support, Rubin saved the lives of 40 soldiers. Years after his release, he was awarded a Medal of Honor, the highest honor awarded to members of the U.S. Armed Forces. Rubin demonstrated extraordinary courage, bravery, sacrifice, selflessness, and grace in service of his country.

Meaning of Grace

I volunteer at my church as a catechist for the confirmation class. Once at a confirmation ceremony, the bishop asked one of the confirmands for her name. She softly said, “Grace.” The bishop lit up and joyously said, “Grace is my favorite name and my favorite word.” Then, he asked her if she knew what “grace” meant. She responded, “Grace means sharing in God’s life.” There is no greater or more meaningful definition of grace than that.  Sharing in God’s life and friendship allows us to know God better and to live a God-centered life. It gives us the courage to live as God wants us to live. Grace helps us to respond to others with love and compassion. Army Corporal Tibor Rubin beautifully exemplified an abounding grace that responds to others with love and compassion.

Lead with Grace

Leading with grace can seem like an elusive concept.  I don’t think grace is the first word that comes to mind when we think of top leadership traits.  Catholics usually associate grace with a prayer of thanks that is said prior to eating a meal. Although there is a connection between grace and gratitude, there’s more to it than that. In a secular context, grace is often associated with elegance and gentleness like that of a figure skater or dancer. Graceful people are refined and interact with others in a courteous, gentle, and polite manner. This focus on the importance of kindness, compassion, and acceptance for building human connections is at the heart of the meaning of grace.

There’s a saying that goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”  When I think of the word grace, I remember a photograph of Mother Teresa and Princess Diana together hand in hand.  An unlikely combination given the different backgrounds and lifestyles of both women. Diana represented royalty and luxury, while Mother Teresa was the face of the poor. Despite their differences, both women shared a special bond because of their mutual commitment to humanitarian causes and desire to help the poor.  Two of the most famous and admired women came from two different worlds yet their shared purpose connected them in grace.

To lead with grace is to lead with courage, gratitude, confidence, humility, and mercy. To lead with grace is to lead in the service of others. Grace is the love and mercy of God that we in turn give to others.  This involves being empathetic, forgiving, accepting, compassionate, and understanding. It is about seeing the imperfections in others and loving them anyway. Grace is about responding to others graciously and gracefully.

Princess Diana became known as the “People’s Princess” because of her genuine love and concern for the sick, the poor, and the suffering.  As the leader of the religious order “Missionaries of Charity”, Mother Teresa was affectionately referred to as “Mother.”  People were drawn to her maternal presence and nurturing nature. She led with love, compassion, and grace.  Mother Teresa and Princess Diana are beautiful examples of how true leadership shines when it is rooted in love, compassion, and grace.  Both women led from the heart, putting others’ needs before their own.  They recognized that true leadership is about helping and serving others with grace.

Grace in Success and Failure

Growing up, one of the things I looked forward to the most during the Olympics was the figure skating competition. I was always in awe of the way the skaters moved with confidence and grace. They glided effortlessly across the ice with such finesse and precision, performing spins, turns, jumps, lifts, and dance moves.  To the onlooker, it may seem natural and effortless but behind the scenes, the life of a skater is anything but easy. It involves hard work, long hours of practice and training, failures, injuries, and sore muscles. They make mistakes, fall, and get hurt.  I am impressed not only by their incredible talent but by their resilience and ability to get back up and try again.  It’s the grace they give themselves when they make mistakes.

Grace is about forgiveness, humility, and perseverance.  Figure skaters forgive themselves when they miss landings, when they lose their balance and fall, or when they score low in a competition.  They don’t give up. Instead, they get back up with humility and give themselves the grace to try again.  They go back to the rink the next day and train and work harder to be better. Figure skaters are not only graceful in success, but they are also graceful in failure.

In figure skating, in leadership, and in life, grace is the forgiveness we extend to ourselves and to others. Leadership is not about having all the answers and doing everything right. It’s about how you respond when things go wrong. It’s about showing resilience and grace under pressure. The greatest leaders know that mistakes are part of the learning and growth process.  If you’re leading a team, always remember that leadership is not about power, position, or pointing out the shortcomings of others. It’s about giving yourself and your team the grace to overcome challenges and to keep moving forward with hope and humility. It’s about forgiveness, positivity, and staying grounded when the path is slippery.

 

 

Grace over Grudges

Managing workplace conflict is an essential leadership skill, as unresolved tension can negatively impact employee morale, productivity, and relationships. In a tense work environment, team members may become less inclined to collaborate, share ideas, or offer support, which can lead to division within the team. When conflict in the workplace is unaddressed, this erodes trust, stifles creativity, and may increase resentment and turnover. As tension builds, job satisfaction and engagement decrease, creating a toxic workplace and team dynamics.

Workplace conflict can arise from a variety of issues, such as personality clashes, poor communication, and varying work styles. Consider two team members- Lucy and Veronica- whose different working styles lead to growing tension. Lucy is fast-paced, highly productive, and takes the initiative on tasks. On the other hand, Veronica works at a slower pace and is less inclined to take charge of projects. Over time, Veronica becomes frustrated with Lucy’s tendency to dominate the workload. Veronica’s morale and productivity decreases, as she becomes disengaged and resentful toward Lucy.

Lucy notices Veronica’s lack of collaboration and declining productivity and becomes resentful as well. Instead of addressing the issue, both employees avoid one another. Their manager, Harry, observes the growing tension and decides to address it before it impacts the entire team’s morale and cohesion. He starts by meeting with each team member individually to gather their perspectives in a non-confrontational way.

When Harry meets with Veronica, she is quick to voice her frustration. She explains, “I know that Lucy has more seniority here, but I want to learn too. I can’t grow if she keeps hoarding all the work and doesn’t give me a chance to handle more challenging tasks.” Veronica feels that Lucy is too bossy and territorial of the workload. She also mentions that her need for accuracy and attention to detail often clashes with Lucy’s fast-paced approach, making her feel rushed and pressured.

Next, Harry meets with Lucy, who expresses her concerns about Veronica’s work pace and productivity. She says, “Veronica is slow and gets caught up in little details, which causes delays. It’s just easier for me to do it myself than to wait for her.”

After hearing both perspectives, Harry brings the two together to resolve the issue. Veronica expresses that Lucy is dominating the workload, not giving her the opportunity to contribute. Lucy explains that she has to pick up the slack because Veronica’s attention to detail slows down progress and creates delays. Veronica counters that she feels pressured to compromise quality for the sake of speed.

Through these discussions, Harry concludes that the conflict stems from their differing work styles and unclear expectations about project timelines and quality standards. In a follow-up meeting, Harry emphasizes the importance of collaboration, clear communication, and mutual respect. He works with both employees to set clear expectations around deadlines and quality control. Lucy agrees to allow more time to review work for accuracy, while Veronica commits to expediting her review process for lower-risk tasks and for projects with tighter deadlines.

Recognizing the imbalance in their workload, Harry shifts some responsibilities from Lucy to Veronica to create a more equitable distribution of the tasks. He sends an email summarizing their roles and responsibilities and schedules regular meetings to review their progress.

Instead of allowing the tension to grow, Harry took proactive steps to resolve the conflict. He listened without judgment, carefully identifying the cause of the conflict. He recognized that Veronica values accuracy over speed, while Lucy wants quick results. By encouraging open communication, setting clear expectations, and offering support, Harry created a more positive work environment.

Now that Lucy and Veronica have a better understanding of each other’s work styles and expectations, their relationship has improved. They respect one another’s strengths and learn to collaborate more effectively. In this way, both team members choose grace over grudges, fostering a more positive team dynamic. Instead of harboring resentment, they approach their differences with empathy, understanding, and grace.

G.R.A.C.E

Most companies have departments dedicated to resolving conflicts- such as Human Resources, Labor Relations, and Customer Service. These departments are trained to listen without bias, aiming to be neutral, helpful, and understanding. They extend grace to both customers and employees, responding not with contempt or grudges, but with forgiveness and compassion. They strive to find a happy medium and a way forward that honors all parties involved. These departments operate with grace by being calm in tense situations, forgiving people who make mistakes, and showing compassion and patience with team members who are struggling to grasp a concept or a new technology. Grace-filled leaders remain professional and calm especially when tempers rise.  They are patient, calm, and steady.  They don’t hold grudges. They forgive. They give grace.

An acronym for how to lead with grace

Grace-filled leaders share 5 basic qualities. They are: Grateful, Resilient, Accepting, Compassionate, and Empathetic.

Grateful – There are two ways to view our work: as something we have to do, or something we get to do. If you see your job as a chore to pay the bills, it can be hard to find joy in it. But when you change your perspective and see your work as an opportunity to do something meaningful, you begin to develop an attitude of gratitude.  You have the opportunity to help others, and there is no greater joy than that. True leadership is not about position or status, it’s about recognizing that it is a privilege to help and guide others on their path to success.  It is about serving others by offering their time and talents to support the growth and development of those they lead.  Grace-filled leaders listen with hearts full of compassion and lead by serving with humility and empathy. Their genuine concern for the well-being of others allows them to connect with people in an impactful way. When leaders see the positive impact of their actions, this fosters a sense of gratitude.  Whether it is helping a team member to build the confidence to make a presentation or interview for a promotional opportunity, a grace-filled leader finds joy and fulfillment in making a difference in someone else’s life. It shifts the focus from personal gain to selfless giving. Grace-filled leaders experience a deep sense of joy in knowing they’ve eased the burden, lifted the spirits, or helped others to reach their full potential.

Resilient – Graceful leadership is about being resilient in the face of adversity.  It is about navigating challenges with humility, hope, and heart. Humility keeps a leader grounded when the going gets tough.  Humble leaders value diverse perspectives and encourage input and collaboration from their teams. They know that they don’t have all the answers and rely on the collective wisdom of their teams. Instead of feeling threatened by the knowledge and skills of others, they empower them to take ownership and shine in their unique strengths and abilities.  Great leaders don’t strive to be the most talented or smartest, they strive to bring out greatness in others.

Leading with hope is about encouraging and inspiring others to keep moving forward in a positive direction. Hope-filled leaders inspire resilience by facing challenges with optimism, strength, and dignity. They guide and help others to remain steady even when the path forward is not clear. Hopeful leaders view setbacks as temporary and encourage others to hold on and to believe in a better future. They build trust and create an environment where people feel valued, appreciated, and supported.

Leading from the heart is about approaching every word, thought, and action with love and compassion. It means building a culture of purpose and belonging where people feel connected and valued. When people feel loved and that they matter, they will go above and beyond to deliver exceptional service and give their best.

Accepting – Many of us work for results-driven leaders who focus only on numbers and metrics. While setting and meeting goals is essential to the success of any business, it should not come at the expense of what matters most- people. When a company culture prioritizes metrics over human connection, it can foster cutthroat competition, toxic relationships, and create a divisive environment where employees are pitted against one another.

According to a report from the Josh Bersin Company, the average time to hire in 2023 was about 44 days.  This reflects the number of days from when a candidate applies for a job to their date of hire.  Obviously, hiring managers want their vacancies to be filled quickly to minimize disruption to their operations. Time-to-hire is a key metric for a human resources recruitment team and can measure their overall efficiency or inefficiency.

Consider a newly appointed chief executive officer who sets a goal for his HR team to fill roles within 14 days. When a leader demands quick hires, this can result in administrative errors, poor candidate fit, and overall increased turnover. A recruiter who is pressured to focus solely on metrics may overlook key steps in the process like phone screens, reference checks, or proper communication with hiring managers, resulting in hiring unqualified people who do not mix with the company’s culture. Poor hiring decisions can lead to conflict between HR and hiring managers over the lack of collaboration and transparency throughout the hiring process.  Grace-filled leaders do not demand conformity; instead, they are accepting of diverse perspectives and ideas. They create an environment of trust and collaboration by relying on the expertise and input of their team members.  Graceful leaders let their people “do their thing” without judgement or the imposition of unrealistic goals.

Compassionate- Giving grace is about recognizing that we are all human with flaws and imperfections, hopes and dreams. We have strengths and weaknesses, good days and bad days, setbacks and breakthroughs. Some days we feel energized and motivated and other days we feel drained and defeated. Giving grace is about responding to others with compassion instead of criticism. Grace-filled leaders give their team members the freedom to be themselves. They create a safe space where input is encouraged, and mistakes are viewed as learning opportunities and not something to hide or fear.  Graceful leaders care about progress over perfection and help their team members to level up and reach for more. They listen with compassion and seek to understand different perspectives and viewpoints without being judgmental. They believe in giving people second chances, being patient, and offering a helping hand. Above all, grace is about forgiveness.  And the path to forgiveness begins with compassion. Graceful leadership does not dwell on past mistakes; instead, it gives people the benefit of the doubt and chooses to see the good rather than assume the worst.  It chooses forgiveness over bitterness and understanding over criticism, recognizing that everyone is fighting battles we may not see. Grace is about choosing to forgive and move forward in the direction of peace and unity.

Empathetic – I once attended a retirement party for a highly respected leader that I will call Sam.  As I moved through the room and spoke with many colleagues from various levels of the organization, a common theme emerged: utmost respect and admiration for Sam.  The thing that people admired most about Sam was that he rose from the ranks through humble beginnings.  Some colleagues described how Sam influenced them personally and professionally. His ability to relate to their experiences being that he had once stood in their shoes resonated with them the most. Sam started out in an entry-level position and progressively promoted up the corporate ladder to CEO. Despite his success, Sam stayed grounded by frequently visiting the operating departments and walking the shop floor to speak with employees on the frontline. He genuinely cared about their opinions and sought their input and feedback. Their concerns became his concerns, and they knew they had an advocate in him.  The one word used to describe him the most was empathy. Sam was an empathetic leader who understood and valued them as employees but more importantly as people. People felt supported by him, and that created a culture of trust, connection, and collaboration.

Leading with grace is about being empathetic and understanding and connecting with the feelings of others in a meaningful and authentic way. It is about showing empathy when people are struggling and need help. It’s about listening to understand rather than listening to respond. Sam built solid relationships by actively engaging with people at all levels of the organization.  His graceful and empathetic leadership inspired his team to work together to achieve shared goals and join in his mission to move the organization forward.

Grace is about promoting and serving the interests of others with humility and selflessness.  It’s about being grateful for every person, experience, opportunity, and struggle that has shaped your career journey.  It’s about being resilient and pushing through despite challenges, setbacks, and failures.  It’s about being accepting and non-judgmental, knowing that we are all human and make mistakes. It’s about being compassionate and genuinely caring about the well-being of your team members. It’s about leading with empathy and connecting with people by putting yourself in their shoes. It takes a special kind of leader to lead with grace.  Leading with grace is about being yourself and allowing others to be themselves. Graceful leaders are forgiving and merciful, believing that everyone deserves a break, a second chance, and an opportunity for rehabilitation. They create opportunities for others to shine and be the best version of themselves. Graceful leaders are helpful leaders.  They look outward and help others through selfless acts of kindness.